First United Methodist Church
Birmingham, Michigan
Scripture: Matthew 10:40-42, Matthew 16:13-20
May 1, 2005
During one of those days in our marriage when we weren’t talking about anything specific or dramatic, Kris suddenly said: “With the exception of the years I spent at Michigan State, the question of where I went to church….or whether I went to church….has always been decided for me by somebody else. First, by my mother. Then, by you.” Not that she was complaining, mind you. Just observing. During the nearly-39 years of our marriage, I suppose she could have worshiped elsewhere. Or nowhere. Some clergy spouses do. Which is a hurdle to overcome. But marriages can survive it. And congregations can make their peace with it. But, in a way that raises eyebrows, it sends a message.
If you heard my wife’s version of “Forty Years in the Rearview Mirror,” you know that she has been a church lover rather than a boat rocker. To be fair, no congregation has ever said: “Ah, we will get two for the price of one.” But that’s what four congregations (including this one) have received. And I am only the first among hundreds who have reaped the bounty. Now, as retirement looms over the hill….which, hopefully, I’m not….it seems as if everyone wants to know where we are going to go to church. Fortunately, no one has asked if we are going to go to church. The question is always about location, never intention.
Breaking bread with Knut and Jan Erichsen on Thursday evening, we were pumping them for information on Norway (given the excursion we have planned for late July). Somehow the conversation turned to churches in Norway. Norway has a state church….largely forgotten but doctrinally Lutheran. Which led Knut to recall St. Olaf Lutheran Church, where he attended when he first arrived in Detroit. “It’s still there,” I said, “at the Wyoming exit of the Lodge Expressway.” I don’t know whether it’s still open….or still Lutheran….but given Kris’ burgeoning interest in things Norwegian (after all, her maiden name is Larson), I think we’ll mosey down there this summer, just to check it out.
Yet, how odd it feels to have lived this long….and gotten this old….without ever having had to seek out a church. Which differentiates us from many of you who did it early and, in some cases, often. So how did you go about it….the choosing, I mean?
There are people whose business it is to research such questions. And the people in my business, if we are smart, pay close attention to what the people in the research business tell us. For they are telling us that it’s a whole new ballgame out there. People choose churches today for far different reasons than people chose churches yesterday. High on the list of yesterday’s reasons were family ancestry, geographic proximity and denominational identity. None of which counts for much of anything anymore.
Family ancestry suggests that you will go to church where your parents went to church (or, in some cases, where your parents are still going to church). And it is wonderful to have multiple generations of the same family in the same sanctuary. Which still happens here. But less often, elsewhere….Birmingham being something of a throw-back town, and First Church being something of a throw-back church.
Geographic proximity, meanwhile, suggests that, upon moving into a new community, you will choose a church that is close by. A church where the commute is minimal. A church your kids can walk to. A church where your children see the same kids in Sunday school that they see in public school. In short, a neighborhood parish. Which Roman Catholics modeled….and, to some degree, mandated….for decades. But that pattern is breaking down, even for Roman Catholics. The automobile has made venturers of us all.
Denominational identity was also a bigger factor once than it is now….especially now that denominational identity is no longer underscored by ethnicity. It was one thing to be a Lutheran. It was quite another thing to be a German Lutheran. I love being Methodist. I was born into it…. called to serve out of it….and thoroughly acculturated within it. But even my loyalty is suspect, given that you can explain it professionally. Still, free to choose, I would never bite the hand that fed me. But my breed is vanishing.
Today, people shop….everywhere….for everything. Church is a commodity. Church seekers are consumers of commodities. Especially in suburbia, where the options are multiple and the access, available. We have Methodist preachers who don’t want to come anywhere near metropolitan Detroit. Not because the environment is so congestive, but because the church scene is so competitive. They prefer small towns where every church has its corner….its niche….and will pretty much be today what it was yesterday. Yet, even there, tides are turning and change is coming. Meanwhile, here in Birmingham, you have seven United Methodist alternatives within five miles and fourteen additional alternatives within ten miles. But the biggest swath is being cut by churches with no denominational connections at all. Or, if they have a denominational connection, they hide it from view….by dropping it from their name or erasing it from their sign.
So how do people decide where it is they want to go? Well, there are a few benchmarks that have been around for a long time and still play at least a small part. Building being one. A lot of people still say: “I like the look of that place. Let’s try there.” But looks are deceiving. Not everybody who takes the pretty girl to the prom, marries the pretty girl after the prom. And, in surveying the local landscape, I have noticed that some of the churches growing the fastest, strike my eye as being the plainest. If all it took was a building, the Kirk would be burgeoning.
Preaching, that’s important. Great preaching, even more so. Except not everybody agrees what great preaching is, or knows it when they hear it. Preaching can bring the shopper back for a second look. Maybe even for a third look. But in relatively few cases can preaching close the deal or nail the commitment. Ditto for music….even great music. That’s because the waterfront is widening. And no one choir, organist, praise band or gospel quartet can cover it all. Even theology, while pivotal to many, is no guarantee. At the extreme ends of the spectrum, very fundamental and very liberal people prefer to cluster with their own. And only their own. But the vast number of churches in between house populations that defy categorization. And while differences in theology lead those churches to struggle (and even quarrel), they go on surviving and serving with an authenticity that is not dependent upon agreement.
Jesus said nigh-unto-nothing about church shopping. Jesus was a Jew. Born a Jew. Died a Jew. And virtually all his followers in first century Israel remained in synagogues. Concerning Jewish life, Jesus observed it. Concerning Jewish religion, Jesus practiced it. I can point you to four different places in the Bible where, concerning synagogue attendance, it says that Jesus went “as was his custom.” The only time we see him biblically between nativity and thirty, he is in the Temple experiencing something of a bar mitzvah. And in the last corporate act of his life, he celebrates Passover.
In Matthew 16:18, Jesus refers to Peter as “Rock” and says: “I’ll build my church upon you.” Roman Catholics assume Jesus is talking about Peter the man, and suggest that Jesus’ announcement establishes the papacy. Protestants say: “No, that’s not right. Jesus is not building a church upon who Peter is, but upon what Peter believes.” But that’s not entirely right, either. Nowhere does Jesus say anything about organizing the church, naming the church, setting creedal boundaries for the church, or marketing the church. There is no talk from Jesus about institutions. Only about disciples (or followers). In this passage, the word “church” is best defined as a gathering of followers. And how will the followers (disciples) be identifiable? By the love they have for one another (John 13:35).
But isn’t that what we are all trying to do….show love for one another, I mean? None of us succeeding brilliantly. Many of us failing miserably. But all of us, believing these to be our marching orders institutionally. Still, if that’s what every church is attempting, where (in contemporary culture) are today’s shoppers gravitating? Simply put, people are gravitating to churches that answer five basic questions. Let me raise them in order of importance.
First question: Can you help us find meaning for our lives? And when people ask this question, they are speaking very personally and pragmatically….sometimes, even selfishly. They are not so much interested in what the faith is, or even what the faith says, so much as what the faith says to me….does for me….comforts, assures, helps or heals me. When people say, “I need religion” or “I guess it’s time to get a little God in my life,” they are almost always talking about a benefit they expect God to offer rather than a challenge they expect God to deliver. And any time they talk about the cross, the conversation has more to do with what Jesus did on his than any expectation that we might carry ours. But that’s all right. We can begin there. God can begin there. So the successful church will apply the Gospel to those life situations where questions of “meaning” are being asked, and be responsive to folks at life’s transitional and vulnerable moments (i.e., marriage, childbirth, death). Which is why churches that want to grow must do an excellent job with baptisms, weddings and funerals.
Second question: Can you help us raise our children? And depending upon the age and life situation of the church shopper, this may be the first question….the most important question…. maybe even the only question. There is incredible anxiety associated with parenting these days (more on this next Sunday). So if a church has only so many dollars to spend on staff, space and specific programs, does it tilt those dollars toward kids or towards saints? It tilts them towards kids. Which is so obvious in theory, but which happens so seldom in practice.
Third question: Can you help us make friends? Shoppers ask: “Can you link us with people who will learn our story….people who will share their story….and people with whom we can live our way into the faith’s story?” But where it once was enough to provide associations (men’s clubs, women’s clubs, teen’s clubs, senior citizen’s clubs), people now crave connections. Very few people lack associations (people to hang with). But most everybody lacks for connections (people to get close to).
We have all kinds of groups here. We have groups gathered around content (books, Bibles, curriculums, issues). We have groups gathered around interests (singing, softball, walking, aerobicizing). We have groups gathered around crises (grief, divorce, addiction, depression). And we have groups gathered around outreach (building, feeding, sheltering, tutoring). But at the expanding edge are groups gathered around growing and covenanting….groups which, while they may read a book, pursue an interest, respond to a crisis or accept a mission, see all of those things as extensions of the relationships they develop with each other and the relationships they develop with Jesus Christ. And it is to these latter groups that more and more will gravitate because the need is greater than the risk.
Fourth question: Are you big enough to be all things to all people? More and more people are joining larger and larger churches. Size counts because people want it all. And larger churches are better able to provide it all. Whether big is “better” is irrelevant. What “big” is perceived to be is “wider,” “broader” and “more likely to accommodate diversity.” Unfortunately, we are not talking about diversity of age, race, class and culture, so much as we are talking about diversity of activity. While small churches will always have their niche, middle-sized churches will get squeezed as big churches get bigger. And if big churches don’t (get bigger, I mean), they’ll get squeezed, too.
Fifth question: You do understand, don’t you, that we expect excellence? This is a question that is perhaps more prevalent in this community than elsewhere. Here, more than any place I have ever served, people expect high quality, will pay for high quality, and will fall away when quality begins to dip. One can no longer assume that ties will be kept out of denominational identity, loyalty to the pastor, or long-standing friendships within the congregation. For many, a better model down the street will erode all but the deepest loyalties. Unless the church-shopping culture changes, churches will have to do more and more, better and better.
* * * * *
So where will we go to church, Kris and I? We wish we knew. We know we will quickly tire of bouncing hither and yon to check out interesting sanctuaries or hear old friends preach. Nor will we settle all ties here, although the necessity of transferring loyalty will limit our activity for some time to come (specifics to be added later).
Our kids are raised….no help needed there. Our grandkids, nonexistent….no help needed yet. Programmatically, quality will be more important than quantity. And, good soldiers that we are, denominational loyalty will remain paramount. In other words, we won’t bite the Methodist hand that feeds us.
Preaching will be important. Music, maybe even more so. And while my heart is sufficiently satiated with “meaning,” my head still hungers for stimulating. Meaning that I will probably not frequent a church that asks me to put braces on my brains. And while I have never played or studied tennis, I will expect any church I attend to help me improve my serve.
Which brings Kris and me back to question three….the one about friends and stories. More and more, it is clear to us that while belief is a personal thing, faith is a shared thing. We have never gone it alone. We have never done it alone. And there is no way either of us believes we can survive alone.
Romans 12:15 talks about the need to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. But that’s not only something we do and something we are, that’s something we’ll need. Every day, somebody says to us: “So what are you gonna miss?” The answer is becoming clearer and clearer. “The people stuff, that’s what we’re gonna miss.”
If I’ve learned anything in the last forty years, it is this. Faith is a relational thing more than it is a propositional thing. Just before the sermon began, I read a line to you that is truly amazing (Matthew 10:40):
If we receive each other, we receive Jesus.
And if we receive Jesus, we receive the one who sent Jesus.
Just think of that. For years, I always thought it was
God,
Jesus,
Other people.
It never occurred to me that maybe I had it backwards.
Note: My observations about church shopping, while corroborated by forty years of pastoral observation, are grounded in the research of any number of ecclesiastical sociologists, not the least of which are Lyle Schaller, Loren Mead and George Barna.
My comments on “the seeking of excellence” may have been strongly influenced by the communities I have served, but there seems to be a general consensus that the expectations of seekers are higher, across the board, than they have ever been before. Certainly, in a community like Birmingham, others who serve the public (especially school teachers and administrators) would echo my sentiments and have anecdotal, if not statistical, data to support my claim.
Had I had more time, I might have expanded the last lines of my sermon to include the oft-quoted verses from I John 4:20: “If anyone says ‘I love God’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.”
